The unspoken fairy tail

What did I thought? Me being the princes loving the prince on the white horse? Or the Cinderella with her lost shoe with a story-ending of a magical marriage with the prince? I actually thought and believed it all become true. With my dreamy mind I only dare to fantasize about this fairy tail prince, could’t imagine he would really exist, him standing in front of me… indeed.. he exists.. I never believed he would like and love me in a beautiful way, in which I was not even able to compete that by loving myself, that made me being attached to this divine and complete feeling of this other soul-being.. Every time we met, we laughed, danced through the nights, kissed and made love like it was the last day we could spent together.. He stayed 24-hours in my thoughts without his physical presence, just rethinking, visualizing the memories we had together.. hoping to see him, to feel him and hold him to BE my presence, forever, for a while or someday ever.. This perfect oneness we experienced, we couldn’t even see the flaws and made us able to forget the scars and the pain we have been through, only happiness we created together.. we together feel unique and celestial.. mystical human beings we are and I accept, accepting the circumstances, our world where we live in .. the not so beautiful earth.. containing the dark sides and influences, that damaged us one day when we grew up.. Still we found our way together, bonding, to feel the last divinity that has been left in this universe, which was capable of softing our painful wounds.. but, then I regret with pain in my heart, regret I ate from the tree of life at my weakest moment. My damaged heart at a certain moment, did not allowed me to have complete faith nor believing you would ever choose for me like I was worth to go for. Alone, my better halve left me, remorseless, lonely in my existence, walking my path, my life.. whereby I did not know what to expect, to believe who I actually was, to believe who I actually was without my other halve.. Through days, the rain, thunder and storm had been surrounding me, knowing I was standing alone, without my guardian, my shield nor shelter.. Even my tears could not be distinguished from rainfalls that had been fallen from the sky.. The days, months and years passed by as I walked on the road, still having the hope you would appear some day in my presence, still able to recapture the divine love we had, that one day our remembrance would convince you to forgive, my soul, me as a human being with flaws and regrets with a broken damaged heart.. I feel pain and will always feel this until the day I would see, hear and feel you again.. to be the one soul, hopefully a day you would care about me in your damaged heart.. but until that day .. I will only feel sorrow..

Colombian souvenir

The moment I bought my ticket for this trip, I did not know what to experience and who I would meet. Like any others I carry my book about the standard citytrips, moving around as a tourist, surprising myself with these new discoveries and reheat.  Sightseeing only the places I already have read about it, thats actually what I thought. Never knew you would bring me to unknown places, where only you could have bring me and nobody else .. A place that has still been unwritten nor not captured yet in somebodies mind. The adventures-fun-love and pleasure we have been through felt … just so convincing .. devined. Hidden paradise you showed me .. I sacrifice everything for this, including me .. Lets stay in our eternity, you and me free, flowing always in our sea .. Let us be, not JUST a ‘souvenir’. Let this distance and our forbidden-attachment not us tear. Now I don’t dare to go back, back to the world I have stayed all these years. The dark clouded atmosphere, cold wind breeze and me with lots of tears. I rather just stay here, warm, where my heart can beat and where our love is pure and neat .. I do not want this adventure to end nor that ‘us’ would descend .. but now I am afraid I only have got my Colombian souvenirs ..

Colombian souvenir

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What do you offer me?

Never thought I would say this by myself. Me, as a sympathetic, humble person who is always caring and giving without receiving any love back, I will bring up this question now for the ATTACK. Being the ‘only worshipper’ in our relation by adoring you all the time, won’t give me the occasion to open the wine. It always takes two to tango, but it seems I dance all the time blanco. When you message or calling me, I am there to answer and to pick up the phone. The moment you want me with YOU, I will come directy to standby and be your BOO! The other way around it’s not always a bed of roses.. though. Not being there for me at moments I need you, let me certainly ..not glow. Am I just enough to serve and go?

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Elevator from the past

Scene: [Stuck in the elevator with you from my past. We don’t move up or down. Just standing still between the floors with no escape of doors. I am not afraid now to look you in the eyes, to see what I actually see. Even when you tempting me for being in your presence again, no I really wouldn’t let that be. This illusion of romance I created, was just a reflection from the need for food…for my soul. Dependent and attached to you that time, did not mean there was real love in the game,  you troll.  Please don’t feel charmed of the running I did after you. Being the unreachable busy man, made you only for that reason wahoo] A person you never can have in total might make it more interesting to get than it actually is. At that moment you start the challenge by convincing others of your great value you think somewhere you DO have.. wanting to be seen as  a person to be worth it.. But only YOU are capable of giving yourself this degree of value in how you actually want to be treated like. It’s true that we only accept the love we think we deserve. If you don’t feel happy with who you are, in person, don’t appreciating the ‘you’.. When will the moment pass by that you notice somebody really loves you, when you don’t even love yourself? In this case lots of problematic men or women see their chances to hop in and showing ‘this fony love’ filling that big empty spot in your ‘love yourself closet’.  By saying this, we all have different intentions and meaning behind this so called ‘attraction energy’ . It doesn’t mean that we always should be speaking of love in that case (everyone is free in their intentions). Just a little awareness with your own selfy and why you have that energy. By having this self reflection you are not only able to keep all the bad lovers around you out sight, most important it clears up your feeling and intention. Main questions; Are you attracted because you really like the person and having a great time with? Or do you feel an inner emptiness of love, which makes you seek to someone who will heal the damage from your unsolved past?

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Daydreamers job

Rise and shine me! Wake up! Still I wish I could get paid for all the thoughts I am rethinking off, processing through my mind at day and night. Every second, minute, hour, available as a 24-hours service all just offered in my little mind. I would be a big millionaire, billionaire, so rich you even could’t imagine how much that is, only I. I am capable of showing my past storytelling you by my sultry eyes. Being the head of my world, mirroring others reality, creating what I want to see in my fantasizing mind. Whether it’s changing the presence, creating my future, or just a small adjustment of my past. With my beautiful rose-tinted glasses I can see everything very fine at last! Sitting on the windowsill, feeling the sunlight radiating on my brown skin, imaging laying already on the beach of the bahama’s trip I would win!  Or that pretty already taken university guy , how will I visualize him and me together if he really would be mine? Time is ticking, I did not know, I did not hear. Why did nobody tell me there does exist something like fear? That a rose is never without a prick? Please just leave me like this, reading only my book. And oh yes, give my rose-tinted glasses back! No I don’t  want to wake up now at 7:00 AM to go to work instead of letting me living my daydream….

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Leave the sun for the rain

How far do we people go to reach out for our goals? If it’s not our goals, but for good human intentions, would we be willing or able to do that? Who would leave the sun for the rain? And does this always must have a bad negative meaning or is it just a temporary state for the higher soul? I do relate myself to this last sentence. I do leave the sun for the rain. I think everyone with a good conscience should be willing to do so, but might not all be able. To give a short example how I would see this clear pictured; Love is a big keyword, which visualizes the leave the sun for the rain quote.  Love makes everything being worth it, to go through the good and most important the bad! If you love a person truly, nothing else counts except the inner connection with you and your beloved one. Of course this might sounds fairy telling for you, but this cliché-talk sounds actually very real for me though. Everyone has experienced this in multiple ways.  One passes this through a love relationship, which could be complicating by circumstances such as forbidden or distance love. While the other witnessed this in a situation of an addict. Where parents standing unpowered, tough fighting with the love against their child.  Going through life by negative energies… and sometimes it would be just easy to give up, but still we won’t do that because of the strong inner power of love. This meaning that for and with love, you can go survive the bad and be in the rain for our higher soul. This shows we can go far as long as our motivation that originates from our inner love and conscience, will keep the lead for our decisions we make in life. We live through the good and bad, even willing to stand in the rain..

PS: (Perfect song reflecting the quote) : Imik simik:

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